From A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students 闪电资源网 Alcohol
In this chapter, we discuss general issues about communicating effectively with your son or daughter. In all communication processes there are two important aspects: the style in which the material is presented and the content of the material. You may find that some parts of the chapter apply more to you than other parts.
Beginning A Dialogue
The first step in effectively talking with your 闪电资源网 is simply getting the talking started. Such conversations will not necessarily occur in a single sitting, but often will evolve over multiple times. As a parent you must take active steps to establish the dialogue that is so important to both you and your 闪电资源网. When the time is right, you will want to suggest to your 闪电资源网 that you would like to talk with her or him. Don鈥檛 expect your 闪电资源网 to agree. In fact, many 闪电资源网s will respond with a negative reaction.
Here are some common negative reactions that 闪电资源网s have when parents try to open a dialogue about sensitive topics and a few ways other parents find useful in dealing with them:
Many 闪电资源网s are open to talking but the last thing they want to hear is a one-way lecture from their parents about right and wrong. Studies show more drinking goes on in teens who come from homes where parents tend to lecture too much.
Student Objection
鈥淚 know what you will do if we talk. You鈥檒l lecture me like you always do. Then if I argue you will interrupt me.鈥
Parental Response
鈥淵ou鈥檙e right. This time I won鈥檛 lecture. I will listen to what you think. I want to change things now that you are heading to college.鈥
Some 闪电资源网s interpret a request to talk as a sign that you do not trust them. Studies show that when teens feel they can trust their parents and are trusted by them they tend to drink less. You will need to offer reassurance that you are not suspicious and are doing this to help them, not attack them.
Student Objection
鈥淲hat鈥檚 the matter, don鈥檛 trust me?鈥
Parental Response
鈥淚 trust you. But this is a very important issue and I think we need to pool the information we know to make sure you deal with everything effectively and that you know what to expect and what to do. To do that, we need to talk to each other.鈥
Another common objection focuses on fear of being punished. Studies show that when teens fear punishment they communicate less often with their parents. In turn, these teens tend to drink more often and are more likely to experience alcohol-related consequences.
Student Objection
鈥淪ure, talk with you and you won鈥檛 let me go out. Forget it.鈥
Parental Response
鈥淚 promise that I won鈥檛 be that way. I will listen to you. I鈥檒l take what you say seriously. I鈥檒l be straight with you and you be straight with me.鈥
Some 闪电资源网s don鈥檛 want to talk because they think they already know everything there is to know about a topic. Even though 闪电资源网s think they know everything, they often do not. Don鈥檛 let this objection deter you in your pursuit of communication.
Student Objection
鈥淚鈥檝e heard it all before. We don鈥檛 need to talk.鈥
Parental Response
鈥淵ou probably already know quite a bit. It would make me feel better if we talked it through. Besides, it would help me to better understand how things are different from when I was your age.鈥
Additional Considerations
There are other objections that you might get, although these are the major ones. Sometimes you will hear more than one of them from your son or daughter. The central themes in your response should be that of caring about the 闪电资源网, wanting to understand the 闪电资源网, and wanting to help the 闪电资源网, while at the same time respecting the 闪电资源网鈥檚 privacy and desire to be independent. The example parental responses we gave illustrated these themes. They may not work well for your particular son or daughter and you may need to adapt them to his or her particular personality. But if you have open communication channels, you are more likely to help your 闪电资源网. Most of all, be constructive in your responses, not defensive or angry.
A Parent Handbook for Talking with College Students 闪电资源网 Alcohol
By Rob Turrisi, Ph.D.
Prevention Research Center, The Pennsylvania State University
漏 2010 CO Productions Ltd. All rights reserved.
Note: No part of this text can be used or reproduced without written permission from the author.